Disability

trust

Content Warning – Talk of abuse

I live in a world where I’m expected to trust everyone. I have to have support workers in my home and therapists and more. I don’t get to have a home like other people. privacy not something I get the privilege to having.

all this people is strangers for I and I expected to trust with nothing for I see can be trust.

this not ok to me. I huge abuse all life. I not trust many. I not going trust people not know long times. Sometimes care do bad things and I can’t like. I trust break once I never trust again. All time people show I going be use and take advantage of. I not understand many what people do.

care talk I like I baby. I hate it. I not baby.

need help do everything not matter. I adult talk I like adult. Not matter play toy. Not matter need formula drink. Not matter all help need. I still always adult. I still person own think and feel. When talk I like I baby you saying I not equal. You saying I less. You saying you have power and control over I and take I right to choice and control I life.

you take and take and make I upset then make I meltdown then you say meltdown hurt self you can’t choice when you why meltdown. This not fair to anyone.

I communication get bad. Sometimes can’t communicate. You not see other way communicate. Only listen using word. Word not everything. Word your way not I way. You not see body and stim and different way then say not communicate. I say you not communicate. You only want you way.

you want I be trust then you do work see communicate change how talk I. Stop make I do many work make you comfortable. You be uncomfortable and communicate way understand for I. I tired push all time push push and be treat baby like not respect. Start respect I and do better.

I should be ability communicate way best I not best for you.

good night.

Disability

Six

six. Six is a number I know. It’s the number you tell people I am in my head.
mentally six year old. What does that mean? How do you know what anyone is in their head?
it’s a number. You use it to say I can’t do this I can’t understand that I’ll never want sex. You think I be six forever.
I like what you think only for child. Why? Why everything only this old?
I can’t understand math or read and write but I never forget six.
I’m not six. I not been six for long time. I 41. I be 41 in my head. I live 41. even when I can’t read and write even when I can’t understand number even when I play toy you say childish I’m 41. you not know my head. You not know what I think.
you say mentally six then take my right to choose. I choose where live I choose who to love I choose what my life and you say no they can’t. You say they can’t understand this. Not communicate can’t do. You wrong.
even six year old can tell you choice. Even nonverbal can show you.
stop say mental age. It wrong. Person age is the age no head age. Six is six forty is forty eighty is eighty twenty is twenty. Lived twenty year is twenty year in everyway.
I my age not six. I have want and desire and can adult relationship.
treat like am age. Give way communicate. Listen with you eyes. Accommodate different need.
I not six. I 41 and need you explain different way. Understand different. Never child.
learn different learn slow and that ok. Don’t take my choice because you can’t understand how help me know.
six. Six is not my number.

Disability

Different Not Less

I been have difficult time. I worry about how hard everything for people trying help me. I know not easy everything happening with me and need big help. It been very hard and scary and I am very scare be leave alone again. I don’t want to die. I know alone again I will die.
I’m not only one like this. This happening to me happening to many everywhere.
I beg you this. Open eyes. See truth. Notice what been tried to hide. Value the disabled. Value those like me. Help. Don’t leave us isolated and alone. We have worth we matter. Together we are strong. unite. Stand with me. For me. For them. For all of us. Build a better future.
we are worthy of living. Let us live. Let us show you the beauty in our lives. We are beautiful. All of us. Open your heart to it and see the wonders of our worlds.
different not less

Written with Unity 144

autism, communication, Disability

I worth

I not support puzzle piece not for me
I not break even with disability
I not here teach lesson
I not make like this because bad
my struggle not yours

I person whole complete
my life have meaning
I deserve existence
I right be safe eat drink live communicate choice be include
I have right even not speak not read not write not work

you not see worthy
you not see give society
I worth you see or not
I not smart your way I smart my way

you see complicate I see simple
I see beautiful little thing
soft cat fur
smile dog face
light dance raindrop
colour sky sunset

you fast I slow
stop look
see feel listen
world beautiful make art all alone

I not break not piece
I not project
I not inspire
I not bad disability not bad

I not want you cure
I not want you pity
I me I me
I me scream I me rock I me pain meltdown stim routine
I me need help or not

my society community
help everyone
why separate

I not child
don’t tell good not scream
don’t tell good smile
I allow be mad
I allow say thing wrong

I exist
I deserve equal
I deserve access world