we had a new support worker today and it was hard. don’t like new things and people never know what go wrong and something always go wrong. was very frustrated with the Vantage Lite it’s going wrong lots.
I heard the support worker say a word I didn’t like to hear and had only heard online for many years. I was bothered hearing something I had hear for abusing me most my life. I don’t understand why people say bad things to hurt us disabled.
it was long day and scary. Had to try explain I don’t know feeling hungry have no interoception. Can’t feel hungry thirsty go toilet not know pain or sick until very bad. I’m expected to know but it doesn’t fit in my head. Feelings are strange to me I didn’t know people had feelings until I adult. Now hard understand get asked you hungry you thirsty you need toilet and I don’t know. I never understand those.
smile
smile
I hate told smile
I don’t show feelings same neurotypical person
my happy look different to you
I happy stim not showing on face
don’t ask why I not smiling
it makes me upset
I don’t need be smiling to be happy
I happy hand fly moving
my body show happy not face
don’t tell me smile don’t ask me why not smile
I be happy my way
written with Unity 144 location
autistics speak for me
a lot parents say autistic adult not speak for their child because their child not speak not use toilet have bad meltdown and hurt themselves
I don’t like say personal things but I tired hear this things
I am autistic I am nonverbal I can’t use toilet I hurt myself everyday I cannot live with no help I need person with me and watching me all the time if I alone I hurt myself badly
when you say autistic don’t speak for your child because they don’t do this things you are saying I can’t exist
you are saying I have no rights you are cutting away my communication I am here I am like your child
autistics speak for me you need to shut up and listen
you need to hear when you told what doing is bad for us
because of people like you I was twenty-five before anyone give me any communication but I always was speaking my own way I scream I hurt myself I bite and growl I was saying something but no one listen to my language
I was hurt and made to be a puppet I do worse hurting
I have marks all time biting myself hitting myself
I never not be able live alone never be able not have help but I am not bad I can be worthwhile
you say adult autistic not speak for your child you are making things like before when I be hurt because trying make look like you accept who we are and celebrate us we are worth more than you know
autistics speak for me
Written with the AAC software Unity 144
Thoughts about ABA
I have a lot to say but hard to find words for whats in my head
lately I see a lot posts about ABA and a lot parents fighting about ABA being good
I don’t like it
I had abuse all my life I had ABA
ABA was most terrible
I never get be me had be still or I get hurt
I not be still I put alone I be hurt
I still be alone as adult
I twenty-five when get AAC to talk but only now is communication I can understand
people says I bad when have meltdown people don’t understand
is better I stimming is better I can say need with my pictures
I hate be make look be still I know if let do and learn my way
lots don’t listen me say I can’t be like they child say I can use computer they wrong
you don’t know what happening off the computer you don’t know I hitting me everyday you don’t know I screaming everyday you don’t know I needing help all time you don’t know me
listen to autistics they know
there is no good ABA it never be good
ABA is always always bad awful
(Written with Unity 144)
I remember
I remember when you left me behind
you said to leave me while I was screaming
you didn’t understand how hard it was for me
the world was too loud too bright
I didn’t want to be in it but you said I was just causing trouble
you never cared what was wrong with me it was always how much I was hurting you
but I was the one hurting I was in pain trying to make you happy
I needed you to see me but you couldn’t ever see me
you never got to know me and you never will
what is it like to have a family? I will never know I will never have one
you took it all from me
but I’m free now and I can tell everything
you thought I would never be able to communicate
how wrong you were you never gave me the chance to learn
you wouldn’t know me now I can speak my mind
isn’t it amazing what the right support can do?
if only you had believed in me like they do now
I’m full of words you will never hear
I will tell everything you did to me and someone will hear me someone will hear
J
written with Unity 144
Jay's World 