Social

I See You

I see you

I see you talk

I don’t know what sounds you is making

but I see

.

I see you body move

I see you face make shape

I see face make lines

I see you face mouth line

down or up

.

I know you talk about me or not

I see talk good or bad

people think I not know not understand

I know

I not have hear sound

I know I see

.

people talk about I front I

it make feel mad

I there I see I know

I can be talk to I can be include

I not doll I person

I have right be talk people too

I want friendship too talk to I not about I

.

communication

meet people always go like this

carer say

this is Jay they use use that device to speak and carer point my device

then person talk to carer never me

but sometimes person say

oh how does that thing work

then want me show how use device

I hate this don’t do this

I person this my voice

don’t make me do performance

because you not understand

I not circus trick

I not say you

oh how you voice work

and wait you sing

when do that I not want use device

I not communicate long time

this hurt me

Communication device how talk

this my voice like you talk

be respect my communicate

not treat like circus

I talk my way when I want not for show

Device part me

like wheelchair part my body

I get hurt when people do bad to it

Disability

trust

Content Warning – Talk of abuse

I live in a world where I’m expected to trust everyone. I have to have support workers in my home and therapists and more. I don’t get to have a home like other people. privacy not something I get the privilege to having.

all this people is strangers for I and I expected to trust with nothing for I see can be trust.

this not ok to me. I huge abuse all life. I not trust many. I not going trust people not know long times. Sometimes care do bad things and I can’t like. I trust break once I never trust again. All time people show I going be use and take advantage of. I not understand many what people do.

care talk I like I baby. I hate it. I not baby.

need help do everything not matter. I adult talk I like adult. Not matter play toy. Not matter need formula drink. Not matter all help need. I still always adult. I still person own think and feel. When talk I like I baby you saying I not equal. You saying I less. You saying you have power and control over I and take I right to choice and control I life.

you take and take and make I upset then make I meltdown then you say meltdown hurt self you can’t choice when you why meltdown. This not fair to anyone.

I communication get bad. Sometimes can’t communicate. You not see other way communicate. Only listen using word. Word not everything. Word your way not I way. You not see body and stim and different way then say not communicate. I say you not communicate. You only want you way.

you want I be trust then you do work see communicate change how talk I. Stop make I do many work make you comfortable. You be uncomfortable and communicate way understand for I. I tired push all time push push and be treat baby like not respect. Start respect I and do better.

I should be ability communicate way best I not best for you.

good night.

communication, Disability

Not say smart

sometimes people see my communication device and how well I use it and get excited about it. I don’t like that.

it great be positive about my way communicating but it make me uncomfortable when so big reaction.

I get nervous and then talk little. And sometimes they look at what I’m writing on my screen. Don’t do that. I will stop talking. If you not my safe person I won’t use device if been watched.

my communication device is my voice. It is a part of me. Just like you don’t touch wheelchair you don’t touch device. There private things on my device. It’s made and edited just for me and how I like and understand best. No one have communication device same as my words. Be make how they like their one best. That how talk faster.

when people look my screen make me freeze. I can’t communicate anymore and then feeling trapped and make big meltdown.

also I don’t like be say so smart because using device and sometimes I fast. I don’t say you so smart because you can use mouth words. Don’t tell me anything of smart or dumb. It not good say. You don’t know how hard work take learn or how long. This fast for me because try many many then find right one me use. If this your only voice you learn and make fast too.

people value not in how intellect have. It not good this anyway. Not matter everyone valuable just be person alive. When say you smart take away how long and hard many working just be same. I’m not smart I work hard learning and many many meltdown frustrate when can’t understand what mean. A lot help need for stay alive. I not able anything no care help.

better tell about what did and how much work do not say so smart. Don’t do that make chest hurt.

good night