Disability, Uncategorized

7 years.

7 years.

7 years since I decided to end my addiction.

7 years since I took a drug that wasn’t medically prescribed.

7 years.

Addiction isn’t talked about in ways I am comfortable with.

Stigma is still there.

Blame on the person is still there.

Addiction is complex and has reasons behind it.

I had little support when I quit. Every rehab I tried rejected me for one reason or another.

Every psychologist said they couldn’t work with me.

I did this on my own.

If I didn’t have the support I have now, I’d probably have gone back to it.

If I didn’t get myself out of an abusive relationship, I’d probably still be addicted.

If I hadn’t got out of the cult, I likely wouldn’t be here now.

Pain and loneliness kept me addicted. I have days where it’s really hard to get through, but I cope better now.

I’m often still lonely. I still live in constant pain, physically, mentally, emotionally.

I still can’t find the help I need.

But I keep going. 7 years and I keep going.

We need to take the stigma out of addiction. We need to talk about it in ways that doesn’t place blame on the person, because we don’t get addicted in a vacuum.

I’m proud of who I’ve become and who I’m becoming.

I’m still learning who I am and what I want.

7 years is a long time, but the work on recovery continues for me every day.

7 years.

autism, Disability

I Autistic

Autistic Me

Autism inside me

my blood

my bones

my soul


Autism isn’t a coat

I can’t take it off

I can’t be someone else

Autism is all of me


I rock

I flap

I stim

my ways


My life

My world



All of me





Autistic Me



parent call adult ID kid immature
what is mature
we measure intelligence on maturity
maturity is false

i be call immature
when i can’t adapt
when i can’t understand
when i show symptom of my disability

when i lack language
when world is inaccessible
what are you really saying

that not the word you mean
yet you still use it
to treat like a child
to not give respect

immature is not
good descriptive
find better way
to say what mean

and treat me
like my age


You told me I was too loud

so I shut that inside

You told me I moved too much

so I trapped my body inside

You told me I was too much


You told me I couldn’t

because my body wouldn’t be safe

and I stayed so closed inside me

I no longer existed


I cut pieces of myself off and

swallowed them whole

hiding them inside

my inner castle

only to come play when I was alone

and I lost myself


I no longer recognise the faces in the mirror

I no longer recognise who I became

a stranger to myself


He told me I could

he told me to try

and I did


with you gone

I slowly attach the pieces of me

stitched carefully and slowly

back onto my soul


scarred bruised


but they’re me

I recover

and slowly

I start to recognise myself




taking up space


and it’s ok

because that is me


I should take up all the space

because the world needs to see

I am here

I exist

I am worthwhile


I See You

I see you

I see you talk

I don’t know what sounds you is making

but I see


I see you body move

I see you face make shape

I see face make lines

I see you face mouth line

down or up


I know you talk about me or not

I see talk good or bad

people think I not know not understand

I know

I not have hear sound

I know I see


people talk about I front I

it make feel mad

I there I see I know

I can be talk to I can be include

I not doll I person

I have right be talk people too

I want friendship too talk to I not about I