hi. I be quiet long time.
life very hard. I not ok not get what need.
feel abandon by people say help leave when too hard.
I tired be see a project. I person I have feeling and want and not for make you look better.
I’m not happy. I very mad the world. I get left to die. People help little then give up.
I left struggle alone.
I alive for now. It hard.
today is birthday
it lonely
people celebrate thing I never had
many say autistic not care this things
.
some don’t
I care
it matter because never have
because something special to other people but I not know why
how can understand something never have if not explain
.
very few remember birthday
few that remember be nice not upset talk about too much
it just another day
.
other day was four years since have stroke
four year ago was in hospital
if not covid I be hospital now
.
everything hard
I alone
I not understood
I sad and tired
.
all want is see my love
be in arms again
sleep next to
.
nothing feel safe
I don’t know what to say. It is hard. My life has changed in big ways. I can’t do many things I used to. I try not to sleep. I don’t know I will wake up. I want to live.
I have dreams. I have goals. I am a person.
I don’t like be inside. I don’t like be in bed not moving pain. This not the life I want but it the life I have now and it still worth more.
I have stories to tell. I want world to know world to see.
I don’t want be another number lost and forgotten.
everyday I am calling from my heart see me hear me don’t let me die don’t let me die please please don’t let me die.
I want to see my loves. I hold hope. even if others can’t.
I am here. I won’t go without a fight. I will leave things on fire just like I have been all my life.
if you still here even if you can’t believe know this. I think you are extraordinary amazing. You matter you are worth the world. I hold hope in me for me for you for everyone. I will carry in me the beauty. You are loved. You are important. You are valuable.
keep going a second a minute a day. Keep going.
Jay
Written with Unity 144
How are you coping with social isolation?
Me:
I alone
this world not made for me
I not fit anywhere
I try so hard
I use words I not understand
nobody understand me
it not my language
I am watching from the outside
people say we welcome you
I still feel lost alien
nowhere I can be all of me
I not smart everyone think I understand I don’t
I am alone
this world not for me
I tired I lonely
friend so hard make
I can’t fight anymore
it breaks me
I am alone
