Disability

trust

Content Warning – Talk of abuse

I live in a world where I’m expected to trust everyone. I have to have support workers in my home and therapists and more. I don’t get to have a home like other people. privacy not something I get the privilege to having.

all this people is strangers for I and I expected to trust with nothing for I see can be trust.

this not ok to me. I huge abuse all life. I not trust many. I not going trust people not know long times. Sometimes care do bad things and I can’t like. I trust break once I never trust again. All time people show I going be use and take advantage of. I not understand many what people do.

care talk I like I baby. I hate it. I not baby.

need help do everything not matter. I adult talk I like adult. Not matter play toy. Not matter need formula drink. Not matter all help need. I still always adult. I still person own think and feel. When talk I like I baby you saying I not equal. You saying I less. You saying you have power and control over I and take I right to choice and control I life.

you take and take and make I upset then make I meltdown then you say meltdown hurt self you can’t choice when you why meltdown. This not fair to anyone.

I communication get bad. Sometimes can’t communicate. You not see other way communicate. Only listen using word. Word not everything. Word your way not I way. You not see body and stim and different way then say not communicate. I say you not communicate. You only want you way.

you want I be trust then you do work see communicate change how talk I. Stop make I do many work make you comfortable. You be uncomfortable and communicate way understand for I. I tired push all time push push and be treat baby like not respect. Start respect I and do better.

I should be ability communicate way best I not best for you.

good night.

autism, communication

Don’t tell me feeling

don’t tell me what I feel. I had someone tell me I am happy. I not be happy very long time. I not like be tell what I not. You not know what in my head. I not face expression like person think.

other day I get hurt bad. When people hurt be cry or something show face people know is hurting. I was hurt be laugh and laugh. I not do same people not know I bad can’t show face expression.

sometimes be ask how you feeling. I hate hate this question. I don’t know what feeling most time. When feeling something is big strong feel. I not know happy sad what is? I don’t understand. It hard I not even know what thirsty hungry feel like.

I know what things make body doing this different what people say feeling is. I feel flappy win archery. I feel rocking when not like someone.

I not like be ask feeling. I hate be tell what I feel. I is me only I know me and what feel.

autism, Social

smile

smile
I hate told smile
I don’t show feelings same neurotypical person
my happy look different to you
I happy stim not showing on face
don’t ask why I not smiling
it makes me upset
I don’t need be smiling to be happy
I happy hand fly moving
my body show happy not face
don’t tell me smile don’t ask me why not smile
I be happy my way

written with Unity 144 location