I Autistic
Autistic Me
Autism inside me
my blood
my bones
my soul
.
Autism isn’t a coat
I can’t take it off
I can’t be someone else
Autism is all of me
.
I rock
I flap
I stim
my ways
.
My life
My world
Me
Autistic
All of me
Autistic
.
Proud
Happy
Autistic Me
often people say
smile
you look good when you smile
often people think
smile mean happy
smile isn’t happy
happy is my hands
my body
my moving
happy is flapping
stimming
big body wiggles
my face is not
my feelings
a smile means nothing
smile on face
is fake
forced
smile is what others taught
uncomfortable unnatural
awkwardly painful
my happiness
shows in my ways
i move
i bounce
i flap
i squeal
i don’t need to
smile for you
i only need to be me
stimming
free
see me in my world
doing my thing
and you may
see me differently
Content Warning – Talk of abuse
I be ask why I believe should have all autistic voice hear.
I can only tell about me.
I be autistic all life but I not know word autism until I twenty-five years old. I was not tell my disability all life. I taken to have diagnosis twenty-five for document get payment and legal guardian. I be tell then something bad my brain and that bad is call autism. That why I different to everybody. Be tell nothing can do now too old be help. Tell carer leave me alone lock in bedroom not help anymore.
I not have communication. I not have help. I think I bad what am.
all life be abuse. I not know I be abuse until I forty. I not have word what happen me. All know do meltdown. Bite self. Hit self. Throw thing. Anything try control scare world.
I live all life isolation alone. I grow be dog. I understand dog. I know dog. I not know I person. I not know how be around person.
listen autistic learn not bad what I am. Listen autistic help get communication and hear me my way. Listen autistic understand what abuse and why meltdown.
I am 41 still not feel safe. I could had better life. I could be tell child ok my different brain. I could know word early. I could meet other same like me.
autistic are speak. All speak with word. With voice. With AAC. With behaviour. Every is speak own way. Are you listening?
when listen to autistic abuse be stop. When listen to autistic learn why meltdown. When listen to autistic get communication with everyone. When listen to autistic bring big change.
listen to autistic why I alive. All life have worth. I not speak today if not listen autistic.
autistics are speaking. It time you listen.
don’t tell me what I feel. I had someone tell me I am happy. I not be happy very long time. I not like be tell what I not. You not know what in my head. I not face expression like person think.
other day I get hurt bad. When people hurt be cry or something show face people know is hurting. I was hurt be laugh and laugh. I not do same people not know I bad can’t show face expression.
sometimes be ask how you feeling. I hate hate this question. I don’t know what feeling most time. When feeling something is big strong feel. I not know happy sad what is? I don’t understand. It hard I not even know what thirsty hungry feel like.
I know what things make body doing this different what people say feeling is. I feel flappy win archery. I feel rocking when not like someone.
I not like be ask feeling. I hate be tell what I feel. I is me only I know me and what feel.
hello. I be try write more post while learn communication device words to talk.
I have people say me online I can’t be autistic because can use computer. I can’t be intellectual disability because write talk online use computer.
I have word for you who say this thing. Your word of the day is accessibility.
I have accessibility to use computer internet talk and more.
I can use communication device to be online and writing. I can accessibility with iPad cell phone have thing speak for me. I have help people explain way I understand so know what people meaning. This how know you been rude. Rude not the word I want say but if I say word I want say you be start saying not want listen because autistic all yelling when ask help for my child and I not want hear that again.
do you know how many people ever listen me? Not many. It take many yelling be hear then you say oh I not listen until you say thing calm. This mean nobody ever listen.
I autistic. I intellectual disability. You don’t have right to my medical document. I use thing with help from technology from people explain from accessibility. From accept all way I communicate and help to say thing my way.
stop tell me what I am. You not know my life from little thing internet.
I autistic not with autism. I is diagnose and I support self diagnose. Diagnose not easy stop be a stink Fart.
See you later.
Jay's World 