Tag: neglect

Disability, Uncategorized

7 years.

JaysWorld

7 years.

7 years since I decided to end my addiction.

7 years since I took a drug that wasn’t medically prescribed.

7 years.

Addiction isn’t talked about in ways I am comfortable with.

Stigma is still there.

Blame on the person is still there.

Addiction is complex and has reasons behind it.

I had little support when I quit. Every rehab I tried rejected me for one reason or another.

Every psychologist said they couldn’t work with me.

I did this on my own.

If I didn’t have the support I have now, I’d probably have gone back to it.

If I didn’t get myself out of an abusive relationship, I’d probably still be addicted.

If I hadn’t got out of the cult, I likely wouldn’t be here now.

Pain and loneliness kept me addicted. I have days where it’s really hard to get through, but I cope better now.

I’m often still lonely. I still live in constant pain, physically, mentally, emotionally.

I still can’t find the help I need.

But I keep going. 7 years and I keep going.

We need to take the stigma out of addiction. We need to talk about it in ways that doesn’t place blame on the person, because we don’t get addicted in a vacuum.

I’m proud of who I’ve become and who I’m becoming.

I’m still learning who I am and what I want.

7 years is a long time, but the work on recovery continues for me every day.

7 years.

Disability
JaysWorld

You told me I was too loud

so I shut that inside

You told me I moved too much

so I trapped my body inside

You told me I was too much

.

You told me I couldn’t

because my body wouldn’t be safe

and I stayed so closed inside me

I no longer existed

.

I cut pieces of myself off and

swallowed them whole

hiding them inside

my inner castle

only to come play when I was alone

and I lost myself

.

I no longer recognise the faces in the mirror

I no longer recognise who I became

a stranger to myself

.

He told me I could

he told me to try

and I did

.

with you gone

I slowly attach the pieces of me

stitched carefully and slowly

back onto my soul

.

scarred bruised

painfully

but they’re me

I recover

and slowly

I start to recognise myself

.

loud

moving

taking up space

.

and it’s ok

because that is me

.

I should take up all the space

because the world needs to see

I am here

I exist

I am worthwhile

Disability

trust

JaysWorld

Content Warning – Talk of abuse

I live in a world where I’m expected to trust everyone. I have to have support workers in my home and therapists and more. I don’t get to have a home like other people. privacy not something I get the privilege to having.

all this people is strangers for I and I expected to trust with nothing for I see can be trust.

this not ok to me. I huge abuse all life. I not trust many. I not going trust people not know long times. Sometimes care do bad things and I can’t like. I trust break once I never trust again. All time people show I going be use and take advantage of. I not understand many what people do.

care talk I like I baby. I hate it. I not baby.

need help do everything not matter. I adult talk I like adult. Not matter play toy. Not matter need formula drink. Not matter all help need. I still always adult. I still person own think and feel. When talk I like I baby you saying I not equal. You saying I less. You saying you have power and control over I and take I right to choice and control I life.

you take and take and make I upset then make I meltdown then you say meltdown hurt self you can’t choice when you why meltdown. This not fair to anyone.

I communication get bad. Sometimes can’t communicate. You not see other way communicate. Only listen using word. Word not everything. Word your way not I way. You not see body and stim and different way then say not communicate. I say you not communicate. You only want you way.

you want I be trust then you do work see communicate change how talk I. Stop make I do many work make you comfortable. You be uncomfortable and communicate way understand for I. I tired push all time push push and be treat baby like not respect. Start respect I and do better.

I should be ability communicate way best I not best for you.

good night.

communication, Disability, Social

questions

JaysWorld

Content warning : talk of abuse

09/11/20 3:44PM

hello. I get question sometimes people ask. I be answer some when I can. I still learning words on communication device everyday learn new but take many repeat to know them.

sometimes I write these blog post and people think I talking about them. When I write something it because happen many time me and remember from many many time. I can be hurt once and nobody know because take long long time be say.

if you think I write about you what you doing so bad I write it? not have wrote about my partners on this because not like private be take.

so ask you why think I do about you? And if worry I say about you what you doing so bad to me?

some have ask name the cult I was in that taken me and name tribe was take from. I not going answer that it put me in dangerous if people stranger knowing. I have stay safe. Don’t do this asking me about that. It rude ask and same rude ask about what happen to person. Talk my trauma when I ready and I have picture word to say it.

I not have word many thing still. My language is little and slow and learn more and more when can.

autism, Disability

Autistics Speaking

JaysWorld

Content Warning – Talk of abuse

I be ask why I believe should have all autistic voice hear.

I can only tell about me.

I be autistic all life but I not know word autism until I twenty-five years old. I was not tell my disability all life. I taken to have diagnosis twenty-five for document get payment and legal guardian. I be tell then something bad my brain and that bad is call autism. That why I different to everybody. Be tell nothing can do now too old be help. Tell carer leave me alone lock in bedroom not help anymore.

I not have communication. I not have help. I think I bad what am.

all life be abuse. I not know I be abuse until I forty. I not have word what happen me. All know do meltdown. Bite self. Hit self. Throw thing. Anything try control scare world.

I live all life isolation alone. I grow be dog. I understand dog. I know dog. I not know I person. I not know how be around person.

listen autistic learn not bad what I am. Listen autistic help get communication and hear me my way. Listen autistic understand what abuse and why meltdown.

I am 41 still not feel safe. I could had better life. I could be tell child ok my different brain. I could know word early. I could meet other same like me.

autistic are speak. All speak with word. With voice. With AAC. With behaviour. Every is speak own way. Are you listening?

when listen to autistic abuse be stop. When listen to autistic learn why meltdown. When listen to autistic get communication with everyone. When listen to autistic bring big change.

listen to autistic why I alive. All life have worth. I not speak today if not listen autistic.

autistics are speaking. It time you listen.